The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG!

- Sam Kinison

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

- Sam Kinison

Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's …

- Sam Kinison

How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?

- Sam Kinison

It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!

- Sam Kinison

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't …

- Sam Kinison

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

- Sam Kinison

My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!

- Sam Kinison

Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

- Sam Kinison