Inspirational Quotes, Motivational Sayings, and Wise Words for Daily Inspiration

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A second Homeland Security official has been arrested, a 49-year-old guy named Frank Figueroa, he was caught exposing and fondling himself to a teenage girl in a shopping mall in Florida. Do you realize? If Osama bin Laden was a 14-year old girl, we would have had him by now. ... Who is going to start protecting us from the Department of Homeland Security? ... It kind of makes you long for the good old wholesome days of the Clinton administration.

Jay Leno's Popular Quotes

Well, Harry Reid and other members of congress, they're just furious over this Olympic uniform deal. He says we should burn the uniforms, and it's an…

- Jay Leno

We're heading for a gov. shutdown. This is serious. W/o the gov who will fail to inspect our airplanes? Who will fail to secure our borders? Who will…

- Jay Leno

Researchers in England say tall men are more likely to have more children than short men. Here in America we call that the NBA theory.

- Jay Leno

U.N. officials said today they desperately need $7 billion to help people cope with disasters, but they're having a hard time getting people to send …

- Jay Leno

President James Garfield could write in Latin with one hand while writing in Greek with the other. I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

- Jay Leno

A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your d…

- Jay Leno

Scientists think they can now clone an all-white zebra. Now, I'm no expert, but isn't that a horse?

- Jay Leno

Britney Spears told an interviewer if she weren't famous, she would be a teacher. So thank God she's famous.

- Jay Leno

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.

- Jay Leno