In my senior year of high school, I was working at a dealership washing cars. For some reason, I asked them to give me a shot as a salesman for a shift. What happened was I sold two cars in one day and they offered me the position. After a while I decided I didn't want the job and so I told the manager I'd contracted HIV from having unprotected sex. It was only half true but I'd been feeling sick and somehow convinced myself I was really dying. I remember I sat in my boss' office, the both of us crying. Later than night he calls my dad and says 'I'm sorry your son has HIV.' It was terrible.
In my senior year of high school, I was working at a dealership washing cars. For some reason, I asked them to give me a shot as a salesman for a shi… - Nick Thune
In my senior year of high school, I was working at a dealership washing cars. For some reason, I asked them to give me a shot as a salesman for a shi…
- Nick Thune
The other day I walked in on my roommate while I was masturbating. - Nick Thune
The other day I walked in on my roommate while I was masturbating.
You know what’s really good is a greyhound in the shower. - Nick Thune
You know what’s really good is a greyhound in the shower.
I don't want to follow comedians because I don't want to see what they're thinking about, 'cause then maybe I won't stumble across a thought maybe I … - Nick Thune
I don't want to follow comedians because I don't want to see what they're thinking about, 'cause then maybe I won't stumble across a thought maybe I …
There's a fear that I don't think people are interested in my actual opinion. I just think people are interested in me being funny. - Nick Thune
There's a fear that I don't think people are interested in my actual opinion. I just think people are interested in me being funny.
People can write jokes five minutes after a major world event happens, and have hundreds of thousands of people read them within 10 minutes. Whereas … - Nick Thune
People can write jokes five minutes after a major world event happens, and have hundreds of thousands of people read them within 10 minutes. Whereas …
I don't know if people really care about my opinion on things or how I come up with things, and maybe that's an insecurity and why we're comedians in… - Nick Thune
I don't know if people really care about my opinion on things or how I come up with things, and maybe that's an insecurity and why we're comedians in…
I have a wife and anything. That's the arrangement we have. I have a wife, and she's cool. And also I have anything I want. - Nick Thune
I have a wife and anything. That's the arrangement we have. I have a wife, and she's cool. And also I have anything I want.
People are writing shorter jokes. The style I've started with was almost trying to keep jokes under 140 characters before Twitter. - Nick Thune
People are writing shorter jokes. The style I've started with was almost trying to keep jokes under 140 characters before Twitter.
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