It seems a shallow observation, but... the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same vil…

- Jeremy Hardy

If you just took everyone in the BNP and everyone who votes for them and shot them in the back of the head, there would be a brighter future for us a…

- Jeremy Hardy

The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face.

- Jeremy Hardy

Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs.

- Jeremy Hardy

Most harm is done by people who are awake.

- Jeremy Hardy

All socialists have bad backs because we slouch - except when we're watching the news when we sit on the edge of our seats, shout, and wave our arms.…

- Jeremy Hardy

Why don't people just accept that life is sad and cheer up? After all, it's not going to last for ever.

- Jeremy Hardy

My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her You're eleven, make your own!

- Jeremy Hardy

The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents …

- Jeremy Hardy