In heaven, you get right through. In hell, they put you on hold.

- Gail Parent

Don't we realize we're a business, we single girls are? Every building that goes up in Manhattan has more than fifty percent efficiency apartments . …

- Gail Parent

Do you want to live in a world where a man lies about calories?

- Gail Parent

Volleyball is a Jewish sport. It's fun, and nobody can get hurt.

- Gail Parent

Fact: Girls who are having a good sex thing stay in New York. The rest want to spend their summer vacations in Europe.

- Gail Parent

the first thing I did when I made the decision to kill myself was to stop dieting. Let them dig a wider hole.

- Gail Parent

How do you tell your mother that you feel you're getting... old? If I'm... old, then what is she?

- Gail Parent

When friends ask for a second cup they are open to conversation.

- Gail Parent

Actually, I have only two things to worry about now: afterlife and reincarnation.

- Gail Parent