Oh, am I wearing an ascot? I didn't notice.

- Aziz Ansari

I'm an optimist - I feel like an amazing part of life is that at any moment.

- Aziz Ansari

I spend so much time on the Internet...I feel like I'm a million pages into the worst book ever, and I'm never going to stop reading.

- Aziz Ansari

I like going out and I like being single, but a growing part of me would rather just stay home, cook food with someone I really like, and do nothing.

- Aziz Ansari

Do you realize how much better the world would be if we all just treated each other the same way black dudes treat magicians?

- Aziz Ansari

Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.

- Aziz Ansari

Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot.

- Aziz Ansari

This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been…

- Aziz Ansari

I have no interest in art. Let me clarify — I have no interest in non-nude images.

- Aziz Ansari