Being a White Sox fan meant measuring victory in terms of defeat. A 6-5 defeat was a good day. A big rally was Wally Moses doubling down the right- f…

- Jean Shepherd

I've met them down in the Cost and Accounting Department, clean-shaven and in white collars. They can't see a damn thing ridiculous about themselves.…

- Jean Shepherd

Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.

- Jean Shepherd

The Bumpuses were so low down on the evolutionary totem pole that they weren't even included in Darwin's famous family tree. They had inbred and ingr…

- Jean Shepherd

Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.

- Jean Shepherd

Can you imagine 4,000 years passing, and you're not even a memory? Think about it, friends. It's not just a possibility. It is a certainty.

- Jean Shepherd

I had woven a tapestry of obscenity that as far as I know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.

- Jean Shepherd

Manhattan cabs are born old.

- Jean Shepherd

I had been an eyewitness to a truly historic moment in American pop culture.

- Jean Shepherd