Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck i…

- Mike Royko

If God dislikes gays so much, how come he picked Michelangelo, a known homosexual, to paint the Sistine Chapel ceiling while assigning Anita Bryant t…

- Mike Royko

When I conducted a beer-rating session last year, I wrote that most American beers taste as if they were brewed through a horse. That offended many …

- Mike Royko

Strict gun laws are about as effective as strict drug laws...It pains me to say this, but the NRA seems to be right: The cities and states that have …

- Mike Royko

Contrary to popular belief. It's much wiser to take money from the poor than the rich.

- Mike Royko

Newspapers, magazines and other publications have the constitutional right to be offensive, even disgusting. As evidence of that, just watch this spa…

- Mike Royko

I never went to a John Wayne movie to find a philosophy to live by or to absorb a profound message. I went for the simple pleasure of spending a coup…

- Mike Royko

Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers, and cheating on your income tax.

- Mike Royko

For some people, being free means being free to keep their feet on someone else's chest.

- Mike Royko