When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not
Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity. - Dane Cook
Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.
- Dane Cook
You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act. - Dane Cook
You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day. - Dane Cook
Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change. - Dane Cook
When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change.
What am I supposed to say to an atheist when he sneezes, ah, when you die nothing happens. - Dane Cook
What am I supposed to say to an atheist when he sneezes, ah, when you die nothing happens.
I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant. - Dane Cook
I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
Some people have constipation of the brain but their mouth has the runs. - Dane Cook
Some people have constipation of the brain but their mouth has the runs.
When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you. - Dane Cook
When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.
You must accept responsibility for your actions. This doesn't include reactions, interactions or transactions if you're thinkin' loophole. - Dane Cook
You must accept responsibility for your actions. This doesn't include reactions, interactions or transactions if you're thinkin' loophole.
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