If I were the commissioner of all sports media I would issue an immediate ban on three-person announcing teams on telecasts of live sporting events. …

- Al Bernstein

A fool and his money get a lot of publicity.

- Al Bernstein

Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years.

- Al Bernstein

Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.

- Al Bernstein

Sometimes the fool who rushes in gets the job done.

- Al Bernstein

We treat this world of ours as though we have a spare in the trunk.

- Al Bernstein

If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance.

- Al Bernstein

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Should the beholder have poor eyesight, he can ask the nearest person which girls look good. Beauty is in the h…

- Al Bernstein

Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

- Al Bernstein