Stand up comedy is this thing you get to do, so you have to treat it with respect. You can't just be like, 'Alright, I got my hour down, people are coming to see me now. Now, I'm going to lean on the mike stand.' No, you gotta work even harder now. You got to top what you already did. Because they'll find someone else.
[I'm] more German than Irish. - Bill Burr
[I'm] more German than Irish.
- Bill Burr
Inter-racial sex is probably some of the best sex on the planet. You know what that is? Because with inter-racial sex there's like this whole added p… - Bill Burr
Inter-racial sex is probably some of the best sex on the planet. You know what that is? Because with inter-racial sex there's like this whole added p…
We need a plague. It's gotta happen. And don't worry, it's only gonna kill the weak. Seriously. Put on a sweater, take some vitamins, you're gonna be… - Bill Burr
We need a plague. It's gotta happen. And don't worry, it's only gonna kill the weak. Seriously. Put on a sweater, take some vitamins, you're gonna be…
Realize that sleeping on a futon when you're 30 is not the worst thing. You know what's worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you're not reall… - Bill Burr
Realize that sleeping on a futon when you're 30 is not the worst thing. You know what's worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you're not reall…
Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure. - Bill Burr
Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure.
Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog. - Bill Burr
Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.
Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich? - Bill Burr
Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?
Deny your emotions and act like you have answers - Bill Burr
Deny your emotions and act like you have answers
To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again. - Bill Burr
To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.
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