I can't stand makeup commercials. 'Do you need a lipstick that keeps your lips kissable?' No, I need a lipstick that gets me equal pay for equal work. How about an eye shadow that makes me stop thinking I'm too fat?
I'm not looking for much, I just want, like, a really nice guy who has, you know, like a job... and the missing half of this golden amulet. - Maria Bamford
I'm not looking for much, I just want, like, a really nice guy who has, you know, like a job... and the missing half of this golden amulet.
- Maria Bamford
We’re all doing the best we can and sometimes it is not that good. - Maria Bamford
We’re all doing the best we can and sometimes it is not that good.
I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing a… - Maria Bamford
I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing a…
Get out of your house and go see some live performance, for God's sake. There are people creating things just outside your window. - Maria Bamford
Get out of your house and go see some live performance, for God's sake. There are people creating things just outside your window.
My mom is very religious and she said, 'Whatever you think about all the time, that's what you worship.' If that's the case I'd like everyone to pop … - Maria Bamford
My mom is very religious and she said, 'Whatever you think about all the time, that's what you worship.' If that's the case I'd like everyone to pop …
Thirty ways to shape up for summer. Number one: eat less. Number two: exercise more. Number three: what was I talking about again? I'm so hungry. - Maria Bamford
Thirty ways to shape up for summer. Number one: eat less. Number two: exercise more. Number three: what was I talking about again? I'm so hungry.
If you stay alive for no other reason do it for spite - Maria Bamford
If you stay alive for no other reason do it for spite
I've never really thought of myself as depressed so much as I am paralyzed by hope. - Maria Bamford
I've never really thought of myself as depressed so much as I am paralyzed by hope.
My therapist says I'm afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would REALLY cut into my sitting… - Maria Bamford
My therapist says I'm afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would REALLY cut into my sitting…
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