Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
I fell asleep watching the country music channel and woke up racist. - Daniel Tosh
I fell asleep watching the country music channel and woke up racist.
- Daniel Tosh
You know who makes a great first impression? Liars. - Daniel Tosh
You know who makes a great first impression? Liars.
How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender. - Daniel Tosh
How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect! - Daniel Tosh
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'. - Daniel Tosh
I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.
There's no excuse for domestic violence. It sounds like a challenge. I mean, does everything have to be so black-and-white in this kindergarten count… - Daniel Tosh
There's no excuse for domestic violence. It sounds like a challenge. I mean, does everything have to be so black-and-white in this kindergarten count…
Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly. - Daniel Tosh
Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
Am I the only person who hopes that David Beckham has sex with Brad Pitt? I don't know who's in charge of casting in Hollywood, but make it happen be… - Daniel Tosh
Am I the only person who hopes that David Beckham has sex with Brad Pitt? I don't know who's in charge of casting in Hollywood, but make it happen be…
Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a ki… - Daniel Tosh
Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a ki…
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