Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My war…

- Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

- Jeff Foxworthy

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Bec…

- Jeff Foxworthy

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehe…

- Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

- Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

- Jeff Foxworthy

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

- Jeff Foxworthy