My husband and I speak an ancient language called grammatical English, and the kids speak a strange dialect which is difficult to decode because it i…

- Teresa Bloomingdale

to balance my own checkbook each month, I simply record whatever is necessary in the following manner: '37 cents to cover embezzlement by somebody at…

- Teresa Bloomingdale

No matter what sign you were born under, everybody else's horoscope will be more fun than yours.

- Teresa Bloomingdale

Never drink more than one cocktail before giving a talk. True, the drinks may relax you, but they may also slur your speech and blur your memory, mak…

- Teresa Bloomingdale

Of course the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Why do you think the neighbors put up the fence?

- Teresa Bloomingdale

If you have older children who avoid you like the plague, buy yourself some expensive bath salts, run a hot tub, and settle in for a long soak. Teena…

- Teresa Bloomingdale

Take it from me: no matter how few or how many children you have, or how little or how much money you make, your expenses are going to exceed your in…

- Teresa Bloomingdale

A surefire method of setting up regular communication with your kids is to get a job in an office which discourages personal phone calls. Your kids w…

- Teresa Bloomingdale

A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside. If your baby is "beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and bu…

- Teresa Bloomingdale