Rick Steiner is so stupid, he once stayed up all night to study for a urine test.

- Jim Cornette

The saddest moment in a child's life is not when he learns that Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns that Vince Russo is.

- Jim Cornette

Ladies & Gentelman, the man who tought William Kennedy Smith everything he knows about dating, Sweet Stan Lane!

- Jim Cornette

I heard last year at [insert name]'s birthday party they had to set up mirrors to make it look like a crowd.

- Jim Cornette

He's so big he makes a beeping noise when he walks backwords.

- Jim Cornette

Hulk Hogan, you may be a household word, but so is garbage, and it stinks when it gets old too.

- Jim Cornette

Eventually, even a blind squirell will find an acorn.

- Jim Cornette

He (Vince Russo) is the only booker I've seen who doesn't get people over, he gets them under.

- Jim Cornette

I'll hit you so hard you'll starve to death rolling!

- Jim Cornette