The two oldest professions in the world — ruined by amateurs.

- Alexander Woollcott

Nothing risque, nothing gained.

- Alexander Woollcott

Reading Proust is like bathing in someone else's dirty water.

- Alexander Woollcott

I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it.

- Alexander Woollcott

Many of us spend half of our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.

- Alexander Woollcott

To all things clergic I am allergic.

- Alexander Woollcott

The scenery in the play was beautiful, but the actors got in front of it.

- Alexander Woollcott

A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go.

- Alexander Woollcott

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.

- Alexander Woollcott