The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife.

- Jo Brand

When I was a nurse my favourite assignment was the anorexic ward. I sometimes ate as many as seventeen dinners

- Jo Brand

I tend to think the world is a bit of a miserable place, so anyone who can add to people's optimistic, cheerful side is doing a good job, which is wh…

- Jo Brand

Some men are deeply likable but have attitudes I don't like. Does that mean I should completely dismiss them? It's like saying: if someone votes Tory…

- Jo Brand

Fat people are brilliant in bed. If I'm sitting on top of you, who's going to argue?

- Jo Brand

I must be an anorexic because an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees a fat person.

- Jo Brand

My doctor told me I should get out of breath three times a week, so I took up smoking.

- Jo Brand

You know it's time for a New Year's resolution to lose weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, "One at a time, please.

- Jo Brand

I have two brothers and we basically spent our lives playing in the woods, falling in ponds, getting chased by wasps and riding donkeys that we shoul…

- Jo Brand