Knowledge of death is the beginning of wisdom.

- Mallory Ortberg

Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badge…

- Mallory Ortberg

Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the o…

- Mallory Ortberg

As long as you don't think he's just pretending not to mind for your sake, it sounds like he has truly accepted that blow jobs are too difficult and …

- Mallory Ortberg

So many people choose silence after the immediate wake of a death out of fear of saying something out of turn or "bringing up bad memories" that bere…

- Mallory Ortberg

If this is something you'd truly like to work on, not out of a sense of guilt but because you would enjoy occasionally reciprocating, there are a wea…

- Mallory Ortberg

Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.

- Mallory Ortberg

It can't hurt to have a backup.

- Mallory Ortberg

If your partner asks you if something bothers you, and something bothers you, the best thing you can do is say, "Yes, it bothers me." Otherwise you c…

- Mallory Ortberg