It always seems that people who bring nothing to the table take the most from it.

- Alec Sulkin

If you say you had a zen moment, you already didn't.

- Alec Sulkin

Just because you're an avid reader doesn't mean you're an avid understander.

- Alec Sulkin

The internet makes everything not enough.

- Alec Sulkin

You are not special. There is no plan for you. Nothing happens for a reason. Just try not to die and shut up.

- Alec Sulkin

There's something great about terrible westerns. They look like gay dancers and bad, overwrought dialogue and overacting, black and white sped up hor…

- Alec Sulkin

When I make fun of you, I strike just the right note. When you make fun of me, you're an incredibly ungrateful asshole and you know why.

- Alec Sulkin

Hearing the faraway sounds of children at recess makes me understand that I am no longer life's main character.

- Alec Sulkin

Everyone's the anti-Teddy Roosevelt. Speak loudly and carry a brittle twig.

- Alec Sulkin