There is something about the human condition. I don't think dogs are like "If only I was a poodle instead of a golden retriever, I'd be totally happy…

- Michael Ian Black

The thing about narcissistic people is that they don't think they're being narcissistic.

- Michael Ian Black

Super excited about things I'm going to do; never excited about things I'm actually doing.

- Michael Ian Black

Internet fame is like regular fame only without all the annoying 'money' and 'power.'

- Michael Ian Black

As an actor, you can show up on a set and be on a TV show for three or four years, or whatever it is and, by the end of it, you just want to do somet…

- Michael Ian Black

The thing that I think is the most important is taking moments to express your appreciation to your partner. A thank you or a quick kiss can go a lon…

- Michael Ian Black

I don't think I was awake for much of my childhood. I did a lot of napping. This might have been a defensive measure against encroaching depression. …

- Michael Ian Black

The Atkins' diet is where you eat bacon for six or seven months...and the end result is that you lose weight. Because you're dead.

- Michael Ian Black

I don't chase after things, but I put forward the effort and know the rest of it is out of my hands.

- Michael Ian Black