Things that don't exist do exist. They're just really fast.

- Craig Benzine

Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.

- Craig Benzine

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.

- Craig Benzine

The only good excuse for not succeeding is DEATH! Unless you're trying to be a ghost. Then it's LIFE!

- Craig Benzine

Don’t put clothes on food. It’s supposed to be naked.

- Craig Benzine

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

- Craig Benzine

Always go to the bathroom before you ‘go’ to the bathroom.

- Craig Benzine

It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

- Craig Benzine

Everything is optional. Somethings are illegal. And some things are really gross.

- Craig Benzine