When I started off in DC, you didn't get viral first. You got funny first.

- Donnell Rawlings

Tiger Woods is a billionaire. Do you know how much ass you can get with a billion dollars? I know guys with $20 and a pack of Newports who'd try to s…

- Donnell Rawlings

If Elvis is alive, Tupac is alive. I saw Tupac on 46th Street selling Biggie t-shirts 2 for 10 dollars.

- Donnell Rawlings

Live life to the fullest everyday, 'cause we never know what day will be our last.

- Donnell Rawlings

That's why when I talk to younger comics, and they say, 'Well I need this and this, and I need so and so,' I tell them they don't need nothing. All y…

- Donnell Rawlings

Chicks can make you flip more than any drug would.

- Donnell Rawlings

A kid asked me for advise about getting into entertainment? I said you better know how to be happy being broke!

- Donnell Rawlings

I just had a baby girl. My daughter weighed 27 pounds. She was 3 years old. She was delivered to me by way of the court system and a blood test.

- Donnell Rawlings

The better alternative to fighting a guy, go have sex with his girlfriend. That's how you knock a dude out!

- Donnell Rawlings