When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

- Gracie Allen

Classic Recipe for Roast Beef: 1 large Roast of beef 1 small Roast of beef Take the two roasts and put them in the oven. When the little one burns, t…

- Gracie Allen

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

- Gracie Allen

I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.

- Gracie Allen

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.

- Gracie Allen

A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman.

- Gracie Allen

A platform is something a candidate stands for and the voters fall for.

- Gracie Allen

They laughed at Joan of Arc, but she went right ahead and built it.

- Gracie Allen

My mind works so fast. When I think of something I say it. Lots of times I say it even before I think of it.

- Gracie Allen