You ever get sick and one of your friends gives you medical advice? And they tell you that they're not a doctor - like you didn't know it?

- Dom Irrera

I love that red wine is good for you. Isn't that cool? I want to hear more of this. I want to hear more things in life like, Red wine, in conjunction…

- Dom Irrera

You can't have an honest fourth grade school teacher. Mr. and Mrs. Jones, Johnny, your son, your only child, the fruit of your loin, is a moron. I ha…

- Dom Irrera

I don't understand people who go to amusement parks. I spend most of my time trying NOT to be nauseous. 'Excuse me, could you strap me in upside down…

- Dom Irrera

My father never cheated on my mother. He used to cheat on me. He used to pick other kids after school. Take them to the zoo. Take them to play ball. …

- Dom Irrera

My whole family, all they talk about is food and disease. And they're competitive with illness: I have a cold. I wish I had a cold! I don't even have…

- Dom Irrera

I want to be a bloated alcoholic. That's my goal - it is, I'm serious, because there is no other disease that is more fun than alcoholism. I know it …

- Dom Irrera

I think boxing is an incredible sport and I would like to see it really become regulated because I think it could bring back a lot of the past.

- Dom Irrera

My cousin Louie, we walk into a bar, and he says, Dom, I think that waitress knows me. What do you think she knows, Louie? The fact that your belly c…

- Dom Irrera