In the United States economic system you can lose big or you can win big. If you lose you wind up wearing a Hefty bag and sleeping in a doorway. If you win you can have sex with Catherine Zeta Jones when you're seventy-five.
I don't get that - people going to war over religion. I don't know, I could see going to war over justice or democracy or even revenge. But if you're… - Richard Jeni
I don't get that - people going to war over religion. I don't know, I could see going to war over justice or democracy or even revenge. But if you're…
- Richard Jeni
A bunch of money-grubbin', greenhouse-gasing, seal-clubbing, oil-drilling, Bible-thumping, missile-firing, right-to-life-ing, lethal-injecting hypocr… - Richard Jeni
A bunch of money-grubbin', greenhouse-gasing, seal-clubbing, oil-drilling, Bible-thumping, missile-firing, right-to-life-ing, lethal-injecting hypocr…
Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it. - Richard Jeni
Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.
A bunch of bong-smoking, America-bashing, flag-burning, yoga-posing, incense-burning, dolphin-saving, salmon-eating hypocrites. These are the sensiti… - Richard Jeni
A bunch of bong-smoking, America-bashing, flag-burning, yoga-posing, incense-burning, dolphin-saving, salmon-eating hypocrites. These are the sensiti…
In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will. - Richard Jeni
In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.
The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type i… - Richard Jeni
The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type i…
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she… - Richard Jeni
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she…
Live each day as if it were the last day of your life because, so far, it is. - Richard Jeni
Live each day as if it were the last day of your life because, so far, it is.
Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend. - Richard Jeni
Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.
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