To fairy flutes, As the light advances, In square black boots The cabman dances.

- J. B. Morton

Wagner is the Puccini of music.

- J. B. Morton

Vegetarians have wicked, shifty eyes, and laugh in a cold calculating manner. They pinch little children, steal stamps, drink water, favor beards.

- J. B. Morton

Erratum. In my article on the Price of Milk, 'Horses' should have read 'Cows' throughout.

- J. B. Morton

Economy: cutting down other people's wages.

- J. B. Morton

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

- J. B. Morton

One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear.

- J. B. Morton

A library is a room where the murders take place.

- J. B. Morton

Justice must not only be seen to be done but has to be seen to be believed.

- J. B. Morton