I know jazz is completely un-American. But the reason why America doesn't like it is because it's not funny. We [americans] have made jazz funny.

- Paul Provenza

I actually had to leave the country for infractions to fall off my record.

- Paul Provenza

We look at the ancient Greeks with their gods on a mountain top throwing lightning bolts and say, 'Those ancient Greeks. They were so silly. So primi…

- Paul Provenza

If I had the flag that Betsy Ross worked so hard on, I wouldn't destroy it. I'd put it up on EBay because it's gotta be worth some serious coin. And …

- Paul Provenza

As a comedian, I'm like one of those on-the-scene reporters. I will actually go and try to find disasters so I can write jokes as the disasters unfol…

- Paul Provenza

We didn't choose the joke because it's filthy! We chose it because of the structure!

- Paul Provenza

I actually go to church. I know it's hard for you to believe. It's only because you know that Jesus on the cross? I love his smooth hairless body.

- Paul Provenza

How many impressionist painters painted the same damned thing? How many actors have played the same part in renditions of a play or dancers do the sa…

- Paul Provenza

Children in a third world country. That's how we spread democracy.

- Paul Provenza