Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
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I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.
I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.
When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.
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