Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep?
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Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.
I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much to them. They're not huge, complicated events; they're just magical wee moments when somebody says 'I love you' or 'You're a really good at what you do' or simply 'You're a good person'.
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