When you break life down, it's about 100% time management.

- Dana Gould

Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.

- Dana Gould

If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.

- Dana Gould

I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.

- Dana Gould

That which does not kill you isn't finished.

- Dana Gould

Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.

- Dana Gould

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

- Dana Gould

Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.

- Dana Gould

You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.

- Dana Gould