No perfume. Because I want to know how you smell - right off the bat. Don't mask it up. I need to know how you smell because I need to know how we co…

- Chris D'Elia

Women, tend to talk more than men, and they do this thing where they say things that can easily be shown. Like, they don't need to do that.

- Chris D'Elia

Once I started doing stand-up, everything fell into place. That was when I started acting more; I felt like I'd found my place in the business.

- Chris D'Elia

I think that men think they need their man caves. They don't really do. They think they want them, and then the second they do get them and they have…

- Chris D'Elia

I'm a dude, obviously, and when I'm not in a relationship, I don't do laundry until I want to. But if I live with a girl, you have to do it when she …

- Chris D'Elia

Every guy is different, but just prepare to know him in a different way and be OK with it, because the times I've lived with girls, and I've lived wi…

- Chris D'Elia

My biggest pet peeve is when a girl says, "I'm not into drama." Why are you even mentioning it?! That's dramatic in itself!

- Chris D'Elia

A girl who pays attention is very cool. It's really hard to pay attention to someone. I understand. I get it. I get bored a lot when I'm talking to p…

- Chris D'Elia

We're the only species that listens to Michael Bublé when we have sex. That's gotta be wrong.

- Chris D'Elia