I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand there a…

- J. B. Smoove

Let me tell about Tennessee. If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee.

- J. B. Smoove

Sad when you spend more time trying to stay alive than living.

- J. B. Smoove

I'll drive down the street, and I'll practice improv. I will sit there at a red light and see two guys talking to each other, and I will just start p…

- J. B. Smoove

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

- J. B. Smoove

Sometimes you got to put somebody in their place, let them know that you mean business and you're a grown ass man.

- J. B. Smoove

I most resemble Benjamin Button. I evolve. I attach myself to the heartbeat of whatever is going on at that particular time, or I just chart a new pa…

- J. B. Smoove

Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing. Kids get heavy. Quite literally. They're heavy to li…

- J. B. Smoove

Comedians are therapists. People honestly think we're doing it for ourselves. No. If we wanted to do stand-up for ourselves, we would perform in fron…

- J. B. Smoove