According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means t…

- Jerry Seinfeld

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

- Jerry Seinfeld

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

- Jerry Seinfeld

Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, o…

- Jerry Seinfeld

Having a 2 year old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for.

- Jerry Seinfeld

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

- Jerry Seinfeld

If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea? Could you envision the popularity of huge men in tiny bathing suits, prete…

- Jerry Seinfeld

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

- Jerry Seinfeld

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

- Jerry Seinfeld