I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at.

- Norm Macdonald

If you cannot patiently bear correction, endeavor to avoid fault.

- Norm Macdonald

It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity r…

- Norm Macdonald

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afra…

- Norm Macdonald

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

- Norm Macdonald

We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.

- Norm Macdonald

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

- Norm Macdonald

Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.

- Norm Macdonald

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

- Norm Macdonald