Quotes on Alcoholism Funny

I believe, if we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class. There seems ever to have been a proneness in the brilliant and warm-blooded to fall into this vice.

I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

But I'm not a saint yet. I'm an alcoholic. I'm a drug addict. I'm homosexual. I'm a genius.

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

A man who drinks too much on occasion is still the same man as he was sober. An alcoholic, a real alcoholic, is not the same man at all. You can't predict anything about him for sure except that he will be someone you never met before.