Someone recommended that I read the Bible, and it was then I discovered that I knew nothing about it..

I will no longer take anyone's word for my experience..

Be loved, be admired, be necessary; be somebody..

You cannot live without doing something..

Anything that can be dreamed is true..

I love to work. I love doing standup..

God's been good to me, He really has..

Love. Resoundingly and absolutely..

I make my relationships at work..

Don't immanentize the eschaton!.

I have a St. Bernard named B..

My act is based on my life..

unrequitted love amuses me.

Invest time, don't spend it..

I'm too old to be forced..

It can always get worse..

Yes, I am very prolific..

Calamus fortior gladio..

You can't really be too calculated about everything in life..

I take the Bible far too seriously to take it literally..

Either one lives for politics or one lives off politics..