No one ever gets to see what could’ve been..

Uncyclopedia isn't funny anymore..

You can't do anything to be funny. That's cringeworthy. If your humor comes out of a place of love every time, you don't make the joke bigger than yo….

I'm most certainly not the Beatles..

There's something unsettling about being continually sold something..

I work in L.A. from time to time..

If Jay spent as much time studying as he does trying to be a comedian, he'd be a big star..

I thought I better warn you that I am not one of those politically correct comedians, but it turns out that also I'm not really that racist, homophob….

I believe that any type of education can be great, but an education about ourselves can create something wonderful. I am a comedian, but people have ….

To understand yourself is the beginning of wisdom..

Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'.

Faith that is sure of itself is not faith; faith that is sure of God is the only faith there is..

I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid..

I don't believe in burning holy books, but I am organizing a protest. I'll be burning all my Dennis Miller VHS cassettes as a special protest. I don'….

I learned so much from Tony Danza I learned so much about myself..

All of us are better when we're loved..

Celebrity is something I've never been into, and never will be..

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny..

I'd say any good set or any comedy that I've worked on, that's worked, has been comedians pitching ideas back and forth to each other. A lot of like,….

I'm definitely someone that's private. I've never been interested in celebrity..

You won't build relationships unless you let your guard down.