Quotes on Funny Comedian

I've never set out to write a funny movie or be a funny comedian as a woman. I am a woman. I don't really have a choice in the matter. My goal is just to be funny.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.