If I can sell tickets to my movies like Red Sonja or Last Action Hero, you know I can sell just about anything..

I don't know what to say so I'll just say what's in my heart...badoom, badoom, badoom..

I came into this world black, naked and ugly. And no matter how much I accumulate here, it's a short journey. I will go out of this world black, nake….

Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you've felt t….

Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing..

Just remember that a pat on the back is only 18 inches from a kick in the behind..

Life is not worth living if I cannot have pasta or bread again..

Life is just a bowl of cherries, don't take it serious, its mysterious. Life is just a bowl of cherries, so live and laugh and laugh at love, love a ….

God knows life sucks. It's right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, "I can't….

A sense of humour is the only divine quality of man.

You better take care of me Lord, if you don't you're gonna have me on your hands..

Luck is a very thin wire between survival and disaster, and not many people can keep their balance on it..

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people..

Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different..

These things sneak up on him for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency..

A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors. Rather chill….

The word “future” and females is a dangerous combination..

Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made..

Adventure is nothing but a romantic name for trouble..

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one..

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries..