Explore Quotes on Ifs

If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn't afterward.

The architect must be a prophet... a prophet in the true sense of the term... if he can't see at least ten years ahead don't call him an architect.

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger.