Funny is funny. And if it's good, it travels..

If there's something that you hear on TV about me, just call me and I'll tell you if it's true..

You're the oddest person I've ever met, you couldn't get rid of me if you tried..

Everyone knows that if you can keep on making money, everyone's happy..

If I hear the word 'perky' again, I'll puke..

You must concentrate on pleasing God alone, and if He is pleased, you must be pleased..

We're all called. If you're here breathing, you have a contribution to make..

If you see Two in One - I only see One in Two.

If one does not act, one cannot understand..

If you create the game, then you create the rules..

I am a man who likes to control things, and if I can't control them totally I will not control them at all..

You can only be connected to others if you are connected to yourself and the truth inside..

If you can smell garlic, everything is all right..

I've bowed to you for too long, and if I continue to do it, we will all suffer..

If you wish to be held in esteem, you must ssociate only with those who estimable..

And if I was humming "Happy Birthday" and smiling stupidly as I fled for my life—well, that was nobody's business, was it?.

If I'm 40 years old and wearing a 30 waist, that's pretty good..

If the father is not straight naider will be the son..

If everything is done for me... how will I ever learn?.

If we do the right thing with right intent that is actually our success..

If one knows exactly what is going to be done, why do it?.