Remember how, back in 1990, if you used a cellphone in public you looked like a total asshole? We're all assholes now..

If you are going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it..

She looked at me as if for a moment she would seek someone who would understand the dreadful predicament of a woman, in this world ruled by men..

If we will not learn to eat the only food that the universe grows...then we must starve eternally..

If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are..

If Im healthy, that comes across on camera..

I didn't realize at the time that if I wrote about something, I was going to have to talk about something. A lot. Ad nauseum..

All we know is that you are, if you will, the acme of perfection..

In my business, if you look good, no one is going to be checking up on whether you work out. So it's up to me..

I will not change. Because if you are successful and you change, you are an idiot..

It's not worth having if it comes with no effort..

There can be neither beauty, nor trust, nor security between a man and a woman if there is not truth..

If I didn’t already own this, how much would I spend to buy it?.

If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership..

If you stop, you'll lose everything. You've got to keep going..

If America don't come around, we're gonna' burn it down..

You'll never get anywhere if you go about what-iffing like that..

If you can't be free, be a mystery..

You release these things, and if they fly then you have more..

You shouldn't make jokes if it makes you so unhappy..

If you are not in fashion, you are nobody..