I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'.

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me..

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippine….

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's l….

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'.

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had ….

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil..

I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but ju….

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'.

I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization..

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a pa….

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't..

I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities..

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something..

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours..

I woke up my pop in the middle of the night 'cause the boogie man's under my bed. My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running ….

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift..

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart..

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!.

I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light….

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back ….