Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny..

My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'.

If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something..

As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father..

I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special..

When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day..

Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank..

Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a t….

My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails..

When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured ….

I was a high school throw-out..

I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going..

Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to surv….

I always plan dinner first thing in the morning. That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night..

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet..

If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny..

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers..

It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback..

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?.

As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced..

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books..