I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special..

Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to surv….

If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something..

As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father..

My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins..

Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a t….

When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured ….

There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust..

My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews..

Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank..

That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time….

My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considere….

My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails..

The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage..

My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'.

Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someon….

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny..

When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day..

I was a high school throw-out..

The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life..

I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going..