TABLE D'HOTE, n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility..

Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm..

RAREBIT n. A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point out that it is not a rabbit. To whom it may be solemnly explained that the comes….

NOVEL, n. A short story padded..

It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others from which some physiologists have drawn the inferen….

New York is too strenuous for me; it gets on my nerves..

PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic..

CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another. When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was no more he was observe….

NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opp….

actually, adv. Perhaps; possibly..

Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though inte….

The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge..

Immoral: Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes to be co….

RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with..

Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was….

Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling..

REDRESS, n. Reparation without satisfaction..

When you doubt, abstain..

MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is ….

TECHNICALITY, n. In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in having accused his neighbor of murder. His exact words were: "Sir Thom….

RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who utters them..