Explore Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

RIGHTEOUSNESS, n. A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque. Some feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it into several European countries . .

UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.

IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound . . . . properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position.

RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.

DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world.

Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.

WEATHER, n. The climate of an hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned. The setting up of official weather bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle.

Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.

PALM, n. A species of tree . . . of which the familiar "itching palm" ("Palma hominis") is most widely distributed . . . . This noble vegetable exudes a kind of invisible gum, which may be detected by applying to the bark a piece of gold or silver.

INTERPRETER, n. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.

VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.

WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of peace. The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity.

INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.

POETRY, n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.

DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number - just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice.

PIRACY, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.

FORCE, n. "Force is but might," the teacher said p/ "That definition's just."/ The boy said naught but throught instead,/ Remembering his pounded head:/ "Force is not might but must!"

SYCOPHANT- One who approaches Greatness on his belly so that he may not be commanded to turn and be kicked. He is sometimes an editor.

Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.

HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not.