Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited..

Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets..

SYCOPHANT- One who approaches Greatness on his belly so that he may not be commanded to turn and be kicked. He is sometimes an editor..

TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect ("Glossina morsitans") whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia,….

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog..

RATTLESNAKE, n. Our prostrate brother, "Homo ventrambulans"..

The bold and discerning writer who, recognizing the truth that language must grow by innovation if it grow at all, makes new words and uses the old i….

PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics..

Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age..

Twice – Once too often..

The wife, or bitter half..

PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it..

CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones..

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills..

FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit..

Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establish….

LICKSPITTLE, n. A useful functionary, not infrequently found editing a newspaper . . . the lickspittle is only the blackmailer under another aspect, ….

MANICHEISM, n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victor….

The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors..

Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head..

self-esteem, n. An erroneous appraisal..