me, pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is ….

A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves. He is like the lower end ….

ENVY, n. Emulation adapted to the meanest capacity..

EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition..

Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured..

Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk..

art, n. This word has no definition..

CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain..

MOUSE, n. An animal which strews its path with fainting women..

WEATHER, n. The climate of an hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to….

J, n. A consonant in English, but some nations use it as a vowel . . . from a Latin verb, "jacere", "to throw," because when a stone is thrown at a d….

GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted. By most write….

APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider.

resolute, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve..

picture, n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three..

SACERDOTALIST, n. One who holds the belief that a clergyman is a priest. Denial of this momentous doctrine is the hardest challenge that is now flung….

PILGRIM, n. A traveler that is taken seriously. A Pilgrim Father was one who [was] not permitted to sing psalms through his nose [in Europe], followe….

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math..

Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be..

TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally..

Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another..